By now, stories of Ozzy Osbourne’s outrageous behavior are almost folklore: the Alamo incident, the infamous bat, the near-incomprehensible reality of it all. But in an anecdote shared by Bruce Dickinson, there’s another misadventure that very nearly joined the list: a spontaneous plan to steal a taxi.
The story came to light during Dickinson’s appearance on Clarkson, a short-lived UK chat show hosted by Jeremy Clarkson between 1998 and 2000. When the topic of legendary rock star mayhem came up, Clarkson asked, “You knocked around with Ozzy Osbourne offstage, didn’t you? That must have been chaotic.”
Dickinson didn’t hesitate (as transcribed by Metal Hammer): “I’d had a drink, this was a long time ago, and Oz suggested that we nick a taxi.”
He didn’t give a specific date, but the details, the alcohol, the logic, the recklessness, make it pretty clear this took place sometime in the 1980s. According to Dickinson, the evening began with him locked in his hotel room, likely as an attempt by handlers or friends to prevent trouble. It didn’t work.
“They locked me in my room and I escaped out the window and went to the bar,” he said. “There was nobody in it, so I sat down and thought: ‘When somebody comes, they’d better have a drink.’ I ordered 50 beers and sat there.”
Eventually, Osbourne arrived, entourage in tow.
“Oz comes in with his entourage, and the first thing he said to me was, ‘I’ve given up drinking. I’ve stopped.’” But the sobriety didn’t last long. “Then he sat down and went, ‘I’ll have a double brandy please!’”
After a couple more drinks, Osbourne offered up his latest idea.
“He had a couple of beers and said to me, ‘Let’s nick a taxi.’ I asked, ‘How you gonna do that?’ He said, ‘Well, you call it and I’ll distract him, no, you distract him and I’ll hit him over the head! Can you drive?’ When I said yes, he went, ‘Good, I can’t.’”
If that weren’t unhinged enough, he added: “It’s alright, I’ve done it before.”
Fortunately, things never escalated beyond the planning stage. The idea was overheard, and someone put a stop to it.
“I think somebody overheard our conversation and rumbled it,” Dickinson said.
The entire episode, equal parts ridiculous and dangerous, stands out not just for its impulsive nature but also for how easily it could have turned into a headline for all the wrong reasons. That it didn’t is probably thanks to someone nearby deciding to intervene. Still, the image of two of metal’s most iconic figures scheming over drinks to commit low-level grand theft auto is almost too absurd to forget.
